spike makes house calls.

i was looking through my drafts and realized there are quite a few writings i've started, but never posted. i found this one and decided i'd post it, more for my benefit than yours.

march 18, 2009:

the other night i had a dream with spike lee. [i think we were shopping for furniture or something] i was asking him how he got to where he is. i explained that i wanted to be as inspirational as i feel his work has been, but i feel like when i write, nothing impressive reveals itself on the paper. i said "spike. i try to make my thoughts meaningful and sound deep, but they're empty."

and do you know what spike said to me, he said 'you just gotta write'.

of the vega, kept it real.

In an interview, the artist De La Vega once gave this opinion/advice about running an arts business-- actually, this advice was given to him by a friend and reiterated by DLV- "The most important thing in running a business, you have to learn to be proactive. You can't wait for people to come to you." He went on to express, ever so eloquently that "it's hard to survive as an artist, or a photographer, or a writer [or a filmmaker]. The world don't (grammar geek in me says that should be doesn't, but we'll let the dude rock) owe you a fucking thing, you gotta go out and get it yourself. (preach it!) You have to learn the business, you have to learn to work relationships, you have to learn to play the game. You have to play this game, or it is going to play out on you."

And so DLV, and the rest of the world, I've decided to really jump into this game. Waiting is no fun, and frankly, I've been warming the benches too long. I was not built to wait; I was built to create.

There is something brewing and it smells sweeeeet.

paz.

jay.mo

great expectations.

be careful of the expectations that you place in other people. i've always assumed that expectations are a sign of optimism and i still support that opinion. i don't want to spend my life with no expectations for my future. in some cases, my expectations are what keep me on point. focused.

however, whenever setting expectations, an expectation that that expectation may not be met is necessary. speaking too vague? let me try to clarify.

i have been blessed to have amazing people in my life, but even the closest people in your life are bound to disappoint- actually i'll even go so far as to say that the closest people in your life are most likely to disappoint. many people, myself included, place so much pressure on these people to be who we want them to be: loving, understanding, great friends, kind, good listeners, etc. when someone doesn't fulfill the end of the deal [in my opinion, all relationships have an (un)spoken contract based on respect, care, and whatever qualities you find important for your specific situation] we are left, disappointed- and with a feeling that in some way we were lied to/bamboozled. the most immediate reaction is to blame the other person, makes sense b/c they didn't hold up their end of the deal. in some ambiguous situations, most often dating situations, the problem with a scenario like this is people are never clear about what "deal" they are involved in and when both people are on different pages, disappointment is inevitable. however, in the case of the more clearly defined relationships, such as family or your closest friends, we reach a point where we feel like we don't have to define the needs in those relationships. and ultimately, it is this comfort that leads to a break in our expectations. we expect people to continue to play the role in our lives that they've always played and the moment they can't, the moment life takes a turn for them, our selfish instinct is to ask them not to change, for our sake. sometimes personal growth involves disappointing others. i can only hope that this is not an indefinite side effect, but it does seem to be a necessary evil.

so here i am, struggling to keep expectations down and recognizing we are only human: so if people will disappoint, i can at least throw a solitary pity party every now and then.