today was a special day. today i got to hang out with my sister. it's not like i don't see her often, she only lives 15 minutes away...but it was a much needed catch up session. [i'm also feeling a lil sappy lately]
at dinner with my sister, [at the great hampton chutney on the upper west side] she said something that got me thinking. of course we love to talk about interpersonal relations since her and i are incredibly interested in people [what makes them tick, what they think, how they live (etc.)] anywho- we got on the topic of people and their interest in others, particularly in the role certain people have played in our lives. the idea was raised that: not enough people listen because they are too busy talking.
of course this got me thinking about me [sorry, this is my blog] and if i've been a good EAR to others. i would like to think that i've been a good listener to people who've come to me to talk, but i know that i'm also a 'fix-it' girl, so sometimes i tend to open my mouth to try and fix the dilemma. i remember years ago when my sister was confiding in me about something and i began giving her advice and she quickly shut me up to say she didn't want advice- she just wanted me to listen. at first, this completely offended me, but later i realized how true that is for so many people. there are plenty of problems that i'll unfortunately never be able to fix [which really bothers me- grrrr], but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is listen.
emotional release is completely therapeutic. so giving a friend your ear is like giving them a free therapy session [and in recession time, who doesn't want anything free?!]
as it turns out, listening isn't the easiest thing to do. it's not really about being quiet while the other person talks. to be a good listener you have to care. if you don't care about the person or what they're saying, you can't really say you're listening because eventually you're bound to zone out. asking questions is also important of a good listener [no one wants a mute], show your interest by asking questions which will get the other person to feel at ease and in a state where they are really getting the attention they need. also, the person you're speaking to may just talk very superficially without getting to the heart of the problem to see if you care to hear it [i've done this before], so if you're genuine about listening we'll know by your level of interest and questions. and the big thing i've learned from my sister- never assume you know, because most likely- you don't!
to all the special people in my life: i hope i'm being a great listener for you and if not- show me how. i promise i won't be too offended [trust me if i am, i'll get over it]. in the end i'll really thank you for your patience and for showing me how to open my ears and shut my mouth. listening is really a vital tool i don't want to walk around the world without
inspire me:
"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant"
~ Robert McCloskey
"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."
[Couldn't have said it better myself! ~ that one is dedicated to my Big Nutbrown Hare]
much love, j.mo
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment