what do your tears look like?

listening to: julieta venegas

i'm on a emotional roller coaster [remember that song?!] well those are my sentiments exactly. the move is closer to being official- i won't say it is until i have purchased my ticket [but between you and me, we're looking at the 3rd week in february] and with all these emotions, come plenty of discussions- if you've been to my house you'd know my parents like to talk- a lot.

and i've found that i'm actually quite insightful when i'm speaking [too bad i can't capture it in writing :/ ] we started talking about life and relationships particularly within our family- and what do we do when we feel like we're drifting apart? see i've got a really close family, and though we have our crap, [like all do] we've kind of grown up together- so when one of us has growing pains, it affects us all. my dad lives in a house with 3 women so he has dealt with plenty of emotional drama [damn estrogen takes over]. but i've studied him and other men in my life and realized, guys aren't quick to cry, but they show their tears another way, with anger/frustration.

this is my theory: [this is not to be applied to situations such as death, illness, or things of that sort]

when a man sees a woman crying, it's an attack to his defenses. he doesn't know what to do or how to deal with the tears. right in front of him is a woman, being vulnerable, breaking down. he doesn't know if he's done something wrong, or how such a simple subject or word [at times] could drive a woman to tears. does he respond with tears? no. that's not natural to him. some may respond with affection [if that's the type of conversation it is], but when it's a debate or a combative exchange, he'll pull out his equivalent to tears- anger. this is not to say that he consciously does this, the way women don't always consciously cry, rather his frustration with the situation makes him angry at himself for not having the capability of facing a woman in tears. tears will scare someone, frustrate them. as an emotional woman i know my instinctive defense is tears- sometimes i don't know they're coming and especially don't want them to come. i hate letting the weakness through. but i can tell any man this- frustration will only make it worse. try another attempt, especially if that's what you feel coming on. me crying and you yelling = a road to nowhere.

this is not to say that i understand men, Lord knows i don't, but my dad said i hit on something so i have to be going somewhere in the right direction. and as one who hates generalizations- i know this is not always the way things are...just an observation.

inspire me:
"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again"
~Alex Tan

"Things have different qualities, and the soul different inclinations; for nothing is simple which is presented to the soul, and the soul never presents itself simply to any object. Hence it comes that we weep and laugh at the same thing"
~Blaise Pascal

paz,
j.mo