you can't spell free with fear

listening to: ray lamontagne playlist

well, it's actually happening... after months and months of trying to go teach English abroad, i'm FINALLY setting up to make the big move.

where to? [drum roll please]... off to pursue la pura vida en Costa Rica!

after reading multiple posts/blogs/forums that have said the best way to get a job in Costa Rica is to be there in person- I've decided to follow up on this and see where it leads me. I really didn't want to leave home without securing a job overseas, but that idea has been thrown out the window. this is my last chance effort to teach abroad and i'm *praying* it happens for me.

for those who know me, you know this has been a long road for me having decided months before my college graduation that this is what I wanted to do upon graduation. it's just taken me a heck of a lot longer than I had expected. and of course, the inevitable has happened [which i was afraid of] i've gotten comfortable- and thus the fear has a firm grip on me. BUT i'm determined not to let that any of that affect me [too much!]

so this is the plan: i've got ONE month to make it happen. my father and i are leaving to costa rica in february [i haven't booked the flight yet]. he's staying with me for one week to get a feel for where i'll be staying and the schools i'll be checking out. in this time i'll be going on interviews and i've got one month to find a job. if i don't, it's back on a plane for me and this dream of living abroad is done [for the time being of course!]...but i'm a planner so i've got it mapped out. i've got lists of schools, names, numbers, areas to live- if i want this to happen then I gotta give it my all.

but in truth, everyday i have to remind myself to breathe. i've never been out on my own. this is my stake of independence, looking fear in its eyes and in my true fashion, i couldn't just do it on a small scale- big dreams, ALWAYS. and if this doesn't happen for me, i know i'll be sad, but at the end i know it's not really up to me- it's in God's hands, has been since the very first day... just got to be patient and listen up. [see i'm still practicing my listening]

there is no doubt that i'm fearful, but that's what life is about sometimes- doing the things that your stomach does backflips over.
i remember reading a quote from some actress where she said that every day she wants to do at least one thing that scares the sh*t out of her- maybe this move will make up for all the times i played it safe.

inspiration:
"It was my fear of failure that first kept me from attempting the master work."
"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."
~ The Alchemist

paz.